Partners
by KinkerBelle
Summary: River and Jayne are forced into a bonding ritual by their very favorite Captain. Unexpecpted results. Well... for them.
1. Secret Keeper

"I can bake chocolate chip cookies." River said, pouting fiercely. Jayne looked up from his position in the corner, hardly a foot away from her.

"What the hell ya goin' on about?" he demanded roughly.

River sighed as if she was very put upon indeed. "Captain Daddy insists that we must work well together. We are to be partners in crime, we must get to know each other. You know most of my story from Simon, I choose to offer you facts that no one else knows of me."

Jayne scowled at her angrily. "How come you aint talkin' crazylike?" 

"Would you rather I talk in riddles around you?" She said, with a raised eyebrow. The large mercenary shifted his weight in the tiny space and silently cursed Mal for the hundredth time for locking him in the supply closet with River.

"No. Just wonderin' why you aint... dunno... all've a sudden, s'all." 

River shrugged. "I've been getting better… since Miranda. If I am solitary or with only one other person, I can shut them out and refuse to hear their thoughts. Before I had no choice, I heard everything. I can be myself now."

Jayne felt a serious uncomfortableness. Girl was actually makin' sense and it was not helpin' his calm any. "So what, now yer sane?" The girl shrugged and the strap of her too big dress fell off her shoulder. Without thinking, he reached over the six inches separating them on the floor of the tiny closet and lifted it back on. She smiled at him.

Jayne wasn't exactly sure about how it made him feel. Sort of… squirmy in his stomach. Restless. Jumpy. He didn't like it. "I'm getting there." She said honestly.

Jayne sighed heavily. And the better she got, the more he would have to work with her. Mal seemed awful set on the idea of makin' him and River into the next Cap and Zoe.

"I play guitar." He offered. River scoffed and rolled her eyes. "What?!" He demanded in an offended manor.

"Everyone knows that! Tell me something just for me. That only I will know." The merc huffed and considered this request. He weren't a man to give away secrets about himself, it took power from him. And that didn't generally sit right with Jayne Cobb. But… if she was gonna be his permanent-like partner, she'd have a hell of a lot o' power anyways. The power to let him live or die. Jayne inwardly seethed. Well, he best get on with this little trust exercise of his _beloved_ Captain's.

"I… can juggle." River's face lit up, and the large man was a little repulsed with himself for finding it kinda not repulsive.

"What?"

"What can I juggle? Damn near anything. Could juggle you if'n there were two more." He said proudly. She laughed and he didn't really hate it. "Yer turn." He muttered.

The small girl beside him frowned briefly in thought. "I like to climb trees."

A brief pause.

"I like to dance."

She stared in wonder at him. "Dance? Really? What kind of dance?" She was eager and had scooted closer to him, their thighs touching. But oddly, Jayne hadn't really noticed that. He was focused on answering her. 

"Not fancy dancin' like yer doin' all the gorram time. But if'n I got me a partner and a good song I'll swing all night."

"Two step. Ragtime. Square dancing. Swing dance?" 

"Yup, all o' that."

"Will you dance with me?" She asked, her face shining with hope.

Jayne shrugged nervously. "I aint promisin' to be as good as you 'er anything…"

"Irrelevant. Not a factor. Excessive skill is not compulsory only the free will to use it!" She said, beaming. He looked confused. "When I get excited, I babble in large words. I meant… it does not matter if you are a great dancer, only that you will agree to dance with me." She could have been hallucinating, but she swore she saw him blush just the faintest bit.

"Alright. Next time we're dirt side, you wanna go fer a spin, guess I could oblige. That's my favorite word: oblige."

River giggled brightly and hugged his bicep when he agreed to dance with her. She did not think to let go when he reverted back to their exchange of information. But neither did he think to tell her to get off him. "I like math."

It was Jayne's turn to scoff. "Hey now! Everyone knows that! Tell me somethin' intrestin'!" River made a face at him and thought it over. Would she tell him? He'd certainly find it interesting.

"I'm on birth control." She whispered, resting her chin on his bicep, her dainty hands still wrapped around it. Jayne managed to choke on air and spent to next 10.56 second coughing loudly.

"What?! Why? Does the Doc know?" He sputtered. She grinned like the Cheshire cat. Jayne was mildly shamed that it quickened his heart beat the tiniest bit. 

"Simon doesn't know. Inara put me on it about a week after Miranda. Said that I was clearly an adult and should be protected like one." Jayne was breathing a little harder than he reckoned a man like him had a right to with a young girl attached to their arm. "You're turn." She sing-songed. Jayne tensed, how could he follow that up?

"Mal thinks I name my weapons an' things after whores I been with. That ain't so… I just got that many brothers and sisters back home. When I ran outta proper names, I started usin' nicknames."

River giggled happily. "I have a tattoo." She said.

Jayne's jaw hit the floor. "That's a fab-ri-cation! I see you naked a'fore, and you aint got no such thing."

River laughed at him. "I'm being truthful!" She said, standing up and turning around. She inched up the hem of her dress and Jayne couldn't help the smirk that wandered onto his face.

"This fictional tattoo wouldn't happen to be in a… naughty place?" River snorted in derisive laughter and presented the back of her knee for him to examine. 

"Hardly. And how many years have you accumulated, four? Naughty place, indeed." He didn't even spare her a glance as he pinched her calf in retaliation. She squeaked in protest and Jayne chuckled to himself. They actually got on kinda… nicely if'n they weren't snappin' at each other. His eyes caught something in the fold of her knee. He squinted and suddenly he saw it, tiny numbers only a couple shades darker than her skin tone. R18217T8LV. Huh. 

"I'll be damned, ya do got one."

"Was not telling falsehoods. I very rarely, if ever, lie." She said, sighing and plopping down sideways next to him. Her back rested against his folded legs and her head lolled easily on his knee cap and lower thigh. Jayne's mouth became a bit dryer than usual.

"Whadda' ya lie 'bout, when ya do?" River averted her eyes and played with the hem of her dress.

"Mostly when Simon asks if I've been having nightmares." Her voice was soft and sweet. And her bare knees were showing. They were silky smooth, he knew.

"That seems like a right dumb thing to lie about." Jayne said. River shook her head fiercely.

"If I say that I have, he will poke at me with needles and drugs and put me to sleep. Sleep is the problem. I don't even have the luxury of being able to wake myself up. I am trapped." Jayne crossed his arms uncomfortably. He could tell that's all she was gonna say on the subject. And oddly, where he normally would have poked and prodded to fufill his own curiosity, he found himself willing to puzzle it out later so she didn't have to talk about it now.

"My mother makes the best gorram pancakes a soul ever tasted."

"I hate all the clothes Simon's picked out for me."

"I could be nudged into takin' ya linge-rie shoppin'."

River grinned to herself. "You would do that for any woman on Serenity, _that_ is not a secret."

"I'd be content if it was one from yer brother."


	2. Normal

It was during days like these that River felt happier than she ever had. Serenity was doing well and Mal had called for a mini break. A small vacation on Londinium. Despite being a Core planet it was still a nice world. For the last three days, Jayne and Kaylee had taken her to the Sporting Stadium to watch various native Londinium sports. Rugby was by far her favorite. Jayne's too.

It was a bit violent for Kaylee so she'd chosen to spend her time with Simon today. It was just Jayne and River. Both had been wary of the idea at first. They were fine when they worked in virtual silence and shot at people. But other than their time in the closet, they didn't spend much free time together.

The girl genius was pleasantly surprised with the decency of his company. She found him very funny. And his way of making crude comments didn't offend her really, it rather denoted to her that he saw her as one of the crew. Teasing to him meant he cared enough to notice you doing dumb or funny little things. The fact that most remarks often turned sexual was the result of his gutter brain. River delighted in finding someone just as bratty and occasioinally filthy as she could be. As the late Shepard would have said; they were developing quite a rapport. It was light and flirtatious and wonderful.

She tossed a piece of vegetable tempora at him as he attempted to stare down the shirt of a busty blonde sitting a few rows down in front of them. It hit his cheek and he scowled at her. She wasn't worried about it, he scowled at everyone. "Whaddya go an' do that fer?" He said, popping the food into his mouth.

"You were attempting to stare down that poor woman's dress. It's not appropriate." She said, mock lecturing him.

"She aint poor girl, she's very well endowed." He muttered, waggling his eyebrows. She couldn't contain her laughter.

"If perversion were the Olympics, you would take the gold Jayne Cobb."

He stopped staring because he'd thrown his head back in mirth. "Proudly, babe."

He stole a piece of her food and she slapped at his hand. The rugby game below them took a nasty turn and the pair stopped their conversation to cheer on their team. When the game had settled back down, River turned to look at Jayne.

She was a little bit concerned. She seemed to be developing a little crush on him. It was not an ideal situation. She got along with him so well, they were a phenomenal partnership, and they were starting to develop a great friendship. She didn't want to ruin anything they had. She shook these thoughts off as Jayne was once again trying to sneak a peek down the blonde's shirt. River got a mental pinprick of information that made her giggle. The mercenary beside her raised an eyebrow. "What?" he asked.

"They're fake." She said, nodding to the blonde below. Jayne's jaw dropped a bit. He then pouted and leaned back with arms crossed over his chest. He looked like a petulant four year old. It was a little cute. "What? That bothers you?" River said, taking another bite of her food. This was important information.

Jayne's shoulders sagged a bit. "I don't really care much about size, just like 'em real is all. Gives me all sorts of the creeps when flesh don't feel like it oughta." River tilted her head and gazed at him. He was proving to have many more layers than she'd expected. The rugby game ended and the laser lights on the field rearranged themselves into a different pattern.

She frowned. "What sport is up next?"

"Looks like soccer…? We could ask some of the people comin in, they're here to watch the games prob'ly." River nodded and looked about. A small group of teenage boys were wandering in. She left her food with Jayne, a big mistake, and got up to ask them.

They noticed her coming and they all shuffled about awkwardly. She smiled at them brightly. "Hi, would you know what the next game will be?" The tallest one, who appeared to be their 'leader' nodded.

"Game o' soccer, miss. Lassiters verses the RimCats."

She smiled and thanked them before fluttering back down to Jayne. The food was gone. River smacked him on the back of the head. "It is soccer, and you're buying me more." He didn't argue, which was odd, he just shrugged and gave her a funny look. She couldn't decipher what it meant. The teams were filing into the field below them. "Do you know anything about this game?"

The mercenary nodded. "Can't touch the ball with their hands, any other part's shiny, just not the hands. Have ta get the ball into the other teams goal."

"I think I've heard of it."

"Ya didn't play no sports when ya was younger?"

River laughed. "Gabriel Tam's daughter did not play sports. Sports were for boys. I wasn't really interested in them anyway. Sports are mostly about teams, I was bad with other children my age. And Simon never liked being on a team. Except the chess team, which requires little to no social contact, so I can't really imply that he was much better with her peers."

Jayne snickered. "Which was probly a blessin' on most females his age." River tried to smother her smile and pinched his forearm.

"You speak of my kindred, do not be so callous."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "I may be bein' ca-whatsit but I'm bein' truthful." He said. River couldn't help it and smiled brightly at him. He grinned back. If River was not mistaken, they were having a moment.

Which was promptly ruined by her shuddering suddenly and violently. Somebody was pressing at her mental shields, screaming thoughts at her. She started to shake. She tried to hold it back, but unless she knew what it was, she wouldn't know how to defend against it. Jayne was giving her a look that damn near broke her heart. Like she was a thing again, like he couldn't wait for Simon to come out of nowhere and cart her away.

"I'm…" she struggled with her words. She fought to sound normal. "I'm fine… I just. They're screaming at me!" She whimpered.

This wasn't fair. Things had been going so well. Jayne was scooting back from her, cautious and wary. River knew she had to find out who it was. She risked dropping her shields briefly. She was suddenly bowled over with a desire not her own. For a few brief moments she was not even in her own mind. She was in a fantasy, on her knees… doing things she'd never even thought about doing to a boy. Then on her back, then on all fours.

She ripped herself away from who she knew now to be the boys sitting behind her. She felt sick to her stomach. And violated. She really couldn't handle the looks Jayne was giving her either. She fled. Down the bleachers and out into the hallway leading to the street outside. She stopped when she hit a wall and found a corner to steady herself. The walls were cement and cool. The texture was rough against the soft skin of her cheek but it helped to calm her. Her breathing slowed to normal.

River felt a hand on her shoulder and turned, with great surprise, to see Jayne hovering behind her. His hand still on her shoulder, he peered at her closely. "Girl? Ya'lright? What the guay jus' happened?" he growled out.

"The boys… that were sitting behind us. They… it's not important." She said, blushing at the thought of having to tell him what they'd wanted her to do.

"Shut up, you jus' ran from the gorram game like ya had the devil at yer heels! What happened with them boys? They recognize ya 'er somethin'? Wanna turn ya in?" He whispered hurriedly, ready to leave if that were the case. River shook her head and looked down at both their feet.

"No… that's not it. It's just… they, well…" The girl genius was irritated with herself for being such a stuttering schoolgirl, but it wasn't something she knew how to put politely. Jayne rolled his eyes and shook her a little bit.

"Run-tse duh fwo-tzoo. Spit it out."

River glared a little bit and sighed. It was Jayne, he likely didn't care about being polite.

"They wanted to fuck me." She gritted out.

His jaw hit the floor. "What?" he asked, completely stunned.

"They were having illicit fantasies about me. It was vile to go through and I removed myself form the situation." She said softly. The mercenary still looked stunned. But in a matter of seconds it melted away to anger. He turned on his heel and started stomping back to the stands.

River read his intent and grabbed his arm. "Jayne, no. You can't kill a group of teenage boys!" She yelled, spinning him around.

He yelled back into her face. "The hell I can't! Yer my partner girl, and ya happen to be of a del'cate disposition. People go violatin' that, I'm bound to get a mite ornery! Don't nobody mess with River Tam when Jayne Cobb's round to say otherwise! Dong ma?" He ripped himself from her grip after that and continued on his journey.

At any other time River would have stopped to gape at how expressive he was being. And how protective of her he was proving to be. But Jayne was literally about to commit murder in a public place. Her analysis would have to take place at a later point. River caught him just before the doorway to the stands. "Stop! Jayne, this is not an acceptable outcome!" She did the only thing she could think of and grabbed him around the waist from behind. It certainly got his attention.

He glanced over his shoulder. "This is how yer plannin' on holdin' me here?" He chuckled, a bit of his anger drained away. River realized if she could just distract him enough, he would calm down.

"Simon can not resist my hugs, the property could be transitive."

He laughed a bit. "Well hugs aint gon' hold me." He started to move forward but she buried her face in his back, secretly savoring every second this close to him.

"Jayne! Stop! It's my fault." He stopped dead in his tracks. He turned about slowly, she was left hugging him properly as he looked down on her almost meanly.

"Okay, go on an' explain to me how that's the case, cuz I sure as hell don't get it." She pulled back reluctantly to stare up at him.

"This is an area I lack practice in. It is not something I chose to do, so I have no natural acceptance for it and I have trouble understanding what its extents are. Today it just got out of hand, they didn't try to hurt me, they were just boys who thought a girl was pretty. Haven't you ever thought a girl was pretty?"

Jayne scoffed and rolled his eyes. "O course I have. But-"

"No." River said, cutting him off. "Let's just go home. I think we've both had enough excitement for the day."

"Enough would be pounding in those little hun dans fer what they-"

"Give it up, Cobb. It's over. Yes, it was gross and I never saw myself doing _that_ before, but none the less, it's passed."

He deflated some what. "Why fer ya gotta ruin my fun? Doncha want them knee jerk wahg-ba dan duh biao-tze to pay fer what they done?" River sighed and punched him lightly in the stomach, as was the closest to her.

"It wasn't their fault, you big damn hero. If I were any other girl… any normal girl, it wouldn't have been relevant, I would never have known. They can't help that I am the way I am." She said just above a whisper.

Jayne glared at her harshly. "Don't ya go getting' all sappy cuz ya aint normal! Life we lead aint normal, ya don't gotta be normal. Get over it." He said loudly, back into his grouchy brash self.

River rolled her eyes but gave him a brief hug. They were still in the circle of each others arms but she came close and squeezed him around the middle. "I'm working on that. Let us vacate and move homeward."

The merc scoffed and she stopped hugging to frown up at him. "Girl, yer gonna keep bein' my partner yer gonna learn that 4 o clock aint no time ta be headin' home. Ceptin' if it's in the AM. We aint goin' home, theres plenty more of a day ta be had than you getting' mentally mol-est-ered at a soccer game."

A small giggle escaped her and she took his hand in hers, he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he spun her around like the dancer she was. "I believe there was a mention of dancin', next time we was dirt side. And dirt side we are."

River beamed at her partner. And she was flattered at Jayne's sudden thought. _That smile must shine brighter than Serenity at full burn_. River put her mental defenses up again but bathed in the glow of his opinion of her. "Yes, dance with me, suitable time period for return to Serenity locked on four AM."

"Giddy up, girl, we gotta get goin'. Twelve hours is barely enough fer a proper-like dancin' experience."

River agreed whole heartedly.

A/N: Londinium misprint fixed. It actually doesn't say that on the one I posted on my LJ, but somehow the proper sentence didn't make it back into my word document.


	3. Morning After

River groaned and rolled over in her bed, only to fall off the edge. She heard a low deep chuckle and squinted into the dim light of…. the common area (?) to see… Jayne? Something was incorrect about this scenario. She looked about and the setting seemed real enough to not be a dream.

She'd had a dream like this once, only they were snuggling and she had not made a fool of herself by falling off of the bed… couch… whatever sleeping area they were utilizing. The last night's events slowly came back to her. Nonstop music to dance to, and… if her memories did not deceive her, she and Jayne had tripped the light fantastic. And drank… quite a bit, judging from the pounding behind her eyes. River whimpered slightly at the pain. "Are partners supposed to get each other intoxicated?" She mumbled.

"Yes." Jayne answered, grinning slightly from the couch he was still laying on.

"I think you are being untruthful." She groaned, resting her throbbing forehead on the edge of a cushion.

"Cap and Zoe do it all the time."

"Do they also pass out on the same couch together?"

"…No…."

"Then something here is incorrect." Jayne grumbled wordlessly and buried his face in a pillow. River sighed and wondered what would take the taste of sandpaper out of her mouth. "Jayne, how do you cope with hangovers?"

He shrugged. "Never had one, I jus' get real sleepy the next mornin'." He was lucky to not have been looking at her because she sent him a high quality death glare. She rolled her eyes as he turned onto his back and peered blearily into the non light around them.

"Have you overheard any helpful measures in your years as a drinker?" He shrugged.

"Take a shower, ya need one and it should wake ya up." River rolled her eyes and punched his bicep.

He murmured. "Oh… was that s'posed ta hurt? I mean… ow." She struggled her way up onto wobbly legs, sore from dancing all night. A small grin worked its way up into the corner of her mouth.

She flipped the light switch on as she passed. Jayne groaned loudly. "_Bitch._" He said mournfully. She giggled and continued on her way to take a shower.

Jayne lay back on the couch, his arm over his sensitive eyes. The night had been a gorram long one. The girl had stamina, he'd give her that. Jayne remembered feeling warm and floaty as he headed back to Serenity with River. Might have been all the whiskey they'd consumed. Damn near shut the place down. Twelve hours and they'd only stopped four times because the music had stopped playing.

The Bright Side was a little bar hidden in the shadow of some apartment buildings on the lower east side of Capital City. The dance floor was huge though and it was River's spot of choice. Jayne hadn't put up an argument. There'd been liquor, girls to impress and a wide array of music.

The lively jigs seemed to be River's favorite. He'd grab her and swing her about as fast as they could even though they both ended up dizzy. His favorites were the swing numbers. Few he'd ever took a twirl 'round the floor with had the fancy footwork to really make swing dancin' what it outta be. But River did. Plus she was light as hell, easy to toss around. And boy did he. If any girls had been thinkin' on askin' for him to partner them, they gave up after they saw him and River swing. She was sure a hard gorram act to follow. It was the most honest fun he'd had in a good long while. Sure, he had fun shooting folk and getting' some trim. But not like he was a kid again, back on Orpheus.

Church socials had never produced a partner like River though. There were times when she took his breathe away, and not just because she moved so gorram fast. During those handful of slow songs she'd snuggled up next to him and swayed gently. He hadn't really wanted to at first, afraid it might make them awkward when they weren't so buzzed and pumped with endorphins. But she'd worn him down. Her body was killer, no pun intended. But he didn't cop a feel or nothin' cuz he didn't want to… trash the moment, regardless of how worked up she got him ALL night. It felt like it wasn't about that right then.

Mostly he was an instant gratification kind of guy but, it really wasn't the right time. Mid way through their night, he'd had a little revelation. River wasn't just a pretty girl. Though she was that. She was his partner. And where it hadn't meant anything other than someone to take the fall for him in the past, she was sort of producing a new definition. It was troubling him, how easily they got along. They were so well matched, in almost every sense. And he wasn't gonna approach this the same way he did everything else. If he got up the nerve to approach it at all, he'd do like his Ma told him: build the foundation before the house. 'Course… that didn't mean he was gon' be a disgustin' pansy ass about it. Jayne Cobb was still Jayne Cobb after all.

River stepped out of the shower completely refreshed, grateful for once that her body was so used to foreign substances in her system. Something as simple as alcohol was flushed out almost immediately. She slipped quietly into her bunk and sat on her bed to begin the process of brushing her hair. It was going to take a while so she contently herself by (for precisely the tenth time that morning) recalling the previous night.

"_It's luh sah, it what it is." Jayne insisted firmly. _

"_Not." River said, laughing at his petulant tone. He didn't take kindly to being laughed at. _

"_Yes it is, Girlie." _

"_Not garbage, Salsa. Very fun, you will enjoy. I am sure." _

_Jayne rolled his eyes. "I aint never had fun looking like a gorram pansy kickin' my legs about about and doin' some girly foot one-two-three steppin' thing." River sighed but her smile couldn't be swept from her face. _

_She was enjoying the night very much. Jayne had appeased her in every request until that this one, but it was playful. Lighthearted. "Not strictly feminine, men did it on earth that was. Common dance move in the Latin genre." She insisted. _

"_Aint doin' it." _

_River raised an eyebrow and was about to say something when the music pumping out of the speakers changed. The Bright Side wasn't much to look at but the dance floor was huge and packed. Every hour the DJ switched genres. They'd been there five hours and she hadn't gotten to salsa because Jayne insisted it was too "girly looking". River was not content. _

_Her brows knitted together in shocked indignation as the music changed suddenly. Jayne's closeness has disabled her normally keen perception of time. "Now look what your pouting has accomplished! The hour is completed and we did not get to Salsa!" She said, outraged. _

_Jayne looked away from her and grinned smoothly. "Cryin' shame that is…." _

_She didn't have to read him to know his game and punched him playfully in the arm. "You committed this time thievery with purpose!" She said, holding back her smile. She should be angry at him, but it was such a 'Jayne' stunt to attempt. He knew she wasn't really that angry with him. He even had the nerve to smirk at her and lower his head to get in her face and retort. _

"_Dunno what yer talkin' on, Girlie. I'd never do such a low down, dirty, decievin' thing." He really was such a __**male**__ sometimes. She huffed and tried not to giggle. _

"_Cobb, you breathe low down dirty decievin' things." She replied, mimicking his accent flawlessly. _

_He grinned widely, and though still inches apart from her face, he leaned closer still. "I'm hurt." He said, his tone belying that he was anything but. _

"_You will be." River threw back and took a forceful hold of his wrist. _

_He scoffed at her. "Oh? What'cha gon' do, huh?" _

_River gave him a dangerous look and let the moment simmer between them, long and slow. A heat had built up over the last few hours and she knew they were both aware of it, though Jayne had yet to accurately label it. The silence of his unanswered question lingered heavily and turned into something else. His suddenly labored breathing brought them closer and closer, fractions of a centimeter but it felt like much more. When he was nearly breathless waiting for her response she finally gave it. "Silly Jayne, I'm going to dance you to death." And with that, tugged him by the wrist out onto the floor. _

The girl genius smiled to herself and slipped on a tight pink dress. Her hair hung in a damp braid down her back. She took a minute to consider herself in the mirror. She'd never really noticed before but the dress she was wearing was quite tight around the bust, but the bras she had tended to flatten her out. River wasn't sure if Simon had intended it to work like that or if it was a lucky coincidence for him.

She frowned at her reflection and paused, a diabolical plot forming in her head. She unzipped the dress enough so that it pooled around her waist and quickly switched into one of her smaller bras, bending at the waist and wiggling into it so it didn't hurt to wear it. As expected, it pushed her chest out rather than hid it. She grinned and zipped her dress back up, turning sideways to admire the results. She beamed at her reflection and happily skipped up the ladder, eager for Jayne's reaction.

She didn't get far though. Mal intercepted her on the way to the bridge. "Hey there, Albatross. You just gettin' outta bed?"

She shook her head. "Was out in town last night, Captain."

"With Jayne?" he asked suspiciously.

She nodded. "Jayne was present, yes."

He frowned. "Uh… right, never mind all that. New list o' chores is up. Go check it, ya got a shift soon." She nodded and sighed a bit mentally, Jayne's reaction would have to wait. Down in the cargo bay, a paper was taped up to the wall near Jayne's work out station. There were rows of days and columns of chores, wherever a name fell, that person was to do a certain chore on a certain day.

Kaylee always made the chart, and colored coded it. River searched for her little green square. She was always green. Just as Mal was always red and Jayne was always blue. Kaylee was pink, Simon was white. Zoe was yellow, Wash had been orange. Book had been brown. The chart didn't seem quite as colorful without the two missing colors. But River noticed with a smile that Inara had been added into the rotation, she was purple.

River then realized why she'd missed her square at first. It was cut down the middle, the other side was blue. She and Jayne had laundry duty together. River hummed happily as she headed down to the laundry room, never so happy to fold and sort.


	4. Sick Day

Simon was considering revising his theory of what going mad must feel like.

"I don't want to go!' He insisted, turning to Mal earnestly as the Captain passed in front of him. Jayne and River turned from where they were seated on the big couch in the common area to frown at him. Mal chuckled and didn't so much as stop. Simon followed him hastily.

"I'm serious, I don't want to go!"

Mal frowned and turned around. "That aint funny, Simon. I got few things that cause me laughter if the humor is about a job I'm 'bout to pull. This aint one of 'em." With that said, he turned and started down the stairs to the cargo bay.

"I'm not kidding. I don't want to go!"

The Captain ground his teeth together and turned to Simon with narrowed eyes. "What?" He said incredulously. "You designed the job so that _you_ could go in and take a bundle of cash while we were the distractions and now, you just don' feel like it?"

"River's sick."

"You plotted it so that she wouldn't have to do anything. She was set to stay on the ship anyway!" Mal shouted, completely infuriated.

Simon didn't back down. "I need to take care of her." He insisted.

"Jayne's here with her, she's fine."

"Jayne's sick too!"

"Then they can take care of each other, and all will be fine and dandy. I am not gonna stand for this fei-oo right before a job, Simon! You will get your skinny pigu down to the cargo bay in ten minutes, ready to pull this heist and I will hear nothing further about it." He said with absolute Captain finality and turned away, heading down the stairs.

Simon felt like stomping his foot on the floor like a child and whining until he got his way. But he figured that wouldn't do much good. So he let out a pained sigh and went to ready himself for the job ahead. On the way to his room he met Kaylee and stopped to give her a weary kiss on the cheek. She smiled happily and stroked his brow.

"Why the long face bao bei?"

Simon huffed like an injured child. "I don't like leaving River here while she's sick." Kaylee giggled a little bit and he frowned at her. That made her giggle a little bit more.

"Darlin', she's got a cold. Millions o' people every year survive colds. An' besides, I'm sure Jayne can help her if'n she needs anything."

Simon made a face of disgust. "Indeed, I'll bet he can. They're sitting together right now, and I think… I think they might be… enjoying each other's company."

Kaylee, ever the gossip, gasped loudly and slapped his arm. "No ruttin' way, are ya sure?" She said, as if scandalized, and ran quiet as a mouse to peek around the edge of the wall of the common area. She saw River sitting up against one end of the couch, a wealth of pillows behind her neck, reading a magazine, calm as ever while Jayne sat against the other end of the couch, reading a gun catalogue. A huge quilt that Kaylee had never seen before stretched out over both of them—their legs were presumably tangled somewhere between them and under the quilt. There was a large box of tissues between them.

Kaylee turned back to Simon with a dropped jaw and wide eyes. "They are!" She said in the same scandalized tone. Simon got the injured expression on his face again and she smiled widely at him. "This is fantastic!" She whispered excitedly.

Simon could only blink at her. "I'm sorry… I just hallucinated, what did you say?" Kaylee ignored the dazed look on his face and continued on.

"What if they fall in love?!" Simon choked on the air he was breathing and slammed his hands over his ears, choosing to hear no more.

Jayne yawned a bit as he heard the ramp seal closed and sipped the tall glass of water he had in his left hand. He'd read the gun catalogue in his lap maybe twenty times over. He was taking the opportunity to stare at River. And while he hated being "sick", his certainly not hard to look at partner under a blanket with him wasn't makin' it worse by any means. She was "sick" too.

They'd both sneezed a couple times around Simon and he had forced them both into tests. After he'd worried himself into quite the tizzy he'd insisted they both stay covered by blankets and drink lots of fluids. He felt perfectly fine. He wasn't even sneezing anymore. But, she'd fetched the quilt from his bunk and joined him on the couch. A bit, he suspected, to irk the good doctor, but mostly to have someone to keep her company.

After realizing it'd score him some one on one time with her, he feigned feeling a bit worse and got stuck with ship-sitting while the others went out on a job. He wasn't needed anyway so he didn't feel bad about it, really. Especially not now he was sittin' snuggled up with her and their legs was all sorts of tangled up under the nice warm quilt his Ma had sent him. He had a hunch the heat he felt was mostly from his legs mixed up with hers and not the blanket at all.

Jayne had been surreptitiously observing her since they'd sat down. It was easy to take a long time to check out River. Her hair was up in a messy bun just barely visible over the crown of her head, and from all her rollin' back and forth on the pillows a few long strands had been pulled loose around her face. Her tank top rode low and her skin was flushed prettily from the warmth of the blanket. Jayne thought he could spend all day just lookin' at her. She was engrossed in some article or whatnot.

His eyes flicked down to idly scan the cover, figuring it'd be some scientific journal she'd picked up at last port. His eyes widened tremendously when he read the cover. "Hot New Sex Trick! How to make him moan for more!" was in huge pink letters down the side. Not far away was "Men Speak: What gets them going, for real!" He could NOT miss this opportunity.

"Girl, what in the hell are you reading?" He asked, still a little stunned.

She looked up like a dear caught in the headlights. "Um, it's a fascinating… article about Physics. And mathematics." Jayne raised an eyebrow and lunged forward, snapping the magazine from her hand.

"No!" She cried. He glanced over the article and couldn't even contain his laughter. She struggled over their shared quilt to get it back from him. He began to read it out loud, slowly but surely.

"Are you look-ing for the… newest way to make… your man scream… in pleasure?"

He had to stop briefly as River had full out leaped on top of him and was trying to wrangle the paper from his hands. His arms were longer though and he lifted it easily above her. She elbowed him just hard enough to hurt in the stomach and his arms crumpled to his injured midsection. She snatched the paper form his hands and threw it across the room hastily. He frowned a little bit because the hit had hurt somewhat.

"What was that fer?" He grumbled.

"You were teasing. Was not nice."

"I aint nice, Riv."

"You didn't have to make fun of me!" She insisted. He cracked a smile.

"You were sittin 'cross from me reading about how to sex someone up. I think I did have to make fun a' ya. Where'd ya even pick up that luh suh?"

She pouted at him. "Not trash. Learning material." She replied sullenly. His jaw nearly hit his chest.

"You plannin' on ruttin' wit someone?"

She looked shocked. "No, not… not really. I just…" she drifted off.

"Yeah?" He said, almost impatiently. She better not want to sex someone up. He'd have to kill 'em. Less, o' course, by some miracle, it was him, and he wanted to know that kinda stuff. She sighed and tried to form words, valiantly tamping down a blush.

"I was curious."

"Ya was curious… 'bout sex?" He said incredulously.

She glared him angrily. "Yes Jayne. Contrary to the accepted gospel of this ship, followed by all save Inara, I am no longer a fourteen year old. It's my prerogative to be inquisitive about that part of life I may never access." She bit out tersely.

Jayne scoffed and rolled his eyes. When River looked at him angrily he smirked a bit and gathered her up in his lap. She was still laying next to him from their wrestling match and all he really had to do was shift her around a bit. River felt like she was buzzing inside and couldn't decide if she was angry at his dismissal of her or pleased that he was holding her close.

"Never access? My muscular buttocks, you'll ne'er access that part o' life. Yer a damn fine lookin' female. Boy don't wanna rut with you, he's blind, deaf and dumber than go se." He insisted, looking her dead in the eye. She shifted on top of him, a little taken aback. He'd said it so matter of fact, stated as if his word was the unequivocal truth.

"But… I'm… I'm…"

"Don' wanna hear it, Riv. Ya done lost the argument. Best loose gracefully while ya still can."

She smiled at him. "Lost the battle, not the war. Because while we may have established that I have a chance at actual experience, I may still need to be prepared. Therefore, literature on the subject would be helpful." She finished triumphantly.

And once more Jayne scoffed. "You aint gon' learn nothin' useful from words on paper, darlin'. 'Sperience like that comes from long nights in back seats and hours o' practice." He said, a heart stoppingly sexy smirk working its way onto his face. And there was that heat again. That slow burn between them. River breathed it in and leaned in closer, snuggling up to him and pulling the blanket around both of them.

"So… a male, such as yourself, would not find it arousing if I were to lick whipped cream off him?" She asked, staring up at him with obviously insincere innocence.

Jayne's eyebrows shot up to his hairline and he stayed silent for a moment. "Well, uh… might be the magazines are onto somethin'. But ya still get more from actu'lly doin' it." He replied, boldly slipping his arms around her hips and shifting her closer still to him. He tiny hands rested firmly on his chest and her ass settled nicely into his lap. She inhaled sharply and Jayne suppressed his crow of victory.

"Where would you suggest I garner such experience?"

He faked consideration. "Well, ya gotta pick a person who ya wanna sex with first. Gotta think they're right sexy and would treat ya right, give as good as they got."

She hummed in agreement, and shot him a look. "Any proposals as to a specific individual?"

"Hmmm, not off the top o' my head, caint rush into these things ya know." River considered then man in front of her. Her partner.

She smiled slowly and delicately tilted her head up to suck on his adam's apple. She swirled her tongue around it and ran her teeth over it lightly. Jayne made a throaty noise that she equally felt and heard. She leaned back and gazed at him with hooded eyes.

"Is that rushing?"

He looked like he might gobble her up right there. Big bad wolf and little lost girl. River was content to admit that she would intensely enjoy the gobbling process. "Nah, aint rushing. That's jus' 'bout the right speed, way I see it. This might be considered rushing though." He growled, swooping in to capture her lips in their first kiss.

River felt her body temperature spike several degrees. He burned her right up and his lips moved against hers in amazingly soft friction. He was right, literature had prepared her poorly for finally being in his arms. He licked the seam of her lips and she parted them on a gasp. Jayne took that as an invitation and slipped his tongue into her mouth. He tasted like sinful thoughts. She swooned in his arms, hoping beyond reason that the moment would never end. She explored his mouth, committing to memory every sensory experience of kissing Jayne. The smell of leather and sweat, the sound of his low rumbling and the feel of his hands along her hips. The rub of his hands against her shot sparks through her to her heart and much lower places.

They broke away breathing heavily and staring at each other with lust glazed eyes. Jayne had fully intended to say something. Maybe about how hot she was or even how much he wanted to be with her. But then he saw her lips all swollen up from his kisses and it wasn't a matter of choice, he had to kiss her again. He pulled her close and held on tight, which she didn't appear to mind him doing. He couldn't contain himself around her. She just made him feel all open and willing. Maybe she was a witch. But he couldn't right care because her hips had started rocking against his and it held him spellbound for real.

He broke away to nibble at her long neck and her skin tasted just as lovely as her mouth had. She sighed and his name left her lips all breathy and perfect. "Jayne."

It pulled him to a stop in his travel across her neck and made him look careful like at his partner. She stared at him with glazed over eyes. Jayne realized this was the awkward part that he always hated. Any second he expected to feel caged in and irritated and uncomfortable

He waited.

And waited.

Any second now… well… maybe… not.

Didn't come. Didn't happen. He still wanted to kiss her and sex her and give her cover fire when she rushed ahead to take a hill and all those other things. He chuckled into the long and graceful column of her neck. "River."

She shivered. He was so gone. That was when Simon and Mal came jogging back in. River and Jayne went completely still. The two men who just entered the room looked at them with wide eyes and dropped jaws. River closed her eyes and let out an immensely frustrated sigh.

"Fuck." She whispered.


	5. Progress

River and Jayne shared a look of such total mirth that they exploded with laughter at the same moment, not two seconds later.

"Grounded?" River said through mocking tears, throwing down the rag she had been using to dry the dishes Jayne was washing. She turned away from the sink, leaning back and crossing her arms.

Mal stood by the table, his jaw set firmly, though the look in his eyes spoke of how unsettled he was by the fact that his very well thought out punishment was being met with laughter. He'd spent a whole two days since finding Jayne and River kissing thinking on and brooding and scowling and whipping up this punishment.

Jayne used River's discarded drying rag to dry his soapy hands and turned around as well, throwing an arm around River. Mal glared at the arm and Jayne for the most part ignored that. There was a very long period of silence. One by one, the crew members seated at the table behind Mal realized that he wasn't kidding. Jayne and River stared in disbelief at their captain.

"Grounded?" Jayne repeated. Frowning heavily at Mal. "Fer serious? That don' make no sense. We're on a ship, how cin ya 'ground' someone?"

"Aside from Jayne's very well articulated point regarding the physical impossibilities of such a proposition, must I really be the first one to say that the entire concept is infantile?" River added in.

Mal shook his head, still looking stoic and mildly furious. "There aint no romance on my ship. An' you two done broke the rules. Where I come from, that means a nice long groundin'."

Inara pinched the bride of her nose, looked thoroughly pained. "Mal, you're our Captain. What you are not, is anyone's father. You can't ground them. Fire them? Fine."

"Woah, woah, woah, let's not get hasty." Jayne said anxiously.

Inara smiled softly. "I wasn't finished. Firing, docking their pay, you can do that."

"And again I say, let's avoid the hastiness!" Jayne interjected.

Inara shot him a look that said very clearly 'Let me handle this'. "Though I don't recommend that. But grounding them? That's just…. well, it's fei-oo."

"Well I aint grounded **them**. Just Jayne."

River rolled her eyes and huffed in irritation. Both Zoe and Jayne started chuckling.

"Sir," Zoe said, not bothering to hide her laughter. "If I might ask, how might you be intendin' to keep Jayne in any place he didn't want to be anyway?"

"An' why aint Riv grounded none?" Jayne said, petulantly. "She was just as much there as I was."

"Indeed, Mal." Inara said, sharing a look with Kaylee, both of whom were now looking sour and displeased. "Why isn't River treated as if she made the choice herself to enter into a relationship with Jayne?"

"Cuz she's crazy!" Mal said angrily.

"Crazy enough to fly your gorram ship!" River said, frowning and putting her hands on her hips. Jayne smirked a little bit. Mal was in _Trou-ble_.

Mal seemed to realize he'd said something out of turn. "Now lil' witch, I din' mean ya aint--"

"No! There are too many double standards on this ship. I'm too crazy to make my own decisions, am I? How strange then that I'm still considered sane enough to make the conscious decision to steal money for you. You obviously consider me old enough to put my life on line for you every day but somehow I remain young enough that you feel you can punish me when my actions aren't carbon copies of your preconceived notions? Unacceptable!"

River glared at the Captain and then her silent brother balefully. Simon seemed to catch on that if he were to redeem himself by speaking, that was his cue. Unfortunately, he did no such thing.

"River there are rules on this ship." Simon said tiredly.

"Rules you don't abide, dear ge ge." She replied waspishly.

"Come ta think… that's mighty true, Doc." Jayne said bitterly. "You and Kaylee cin carry on as ya please but Riv an' I aint got the same right?"

"Kaylee is not a mentally traumatized minor!"

"I'm eighteen!" River growled in irritation.

"She aint been a kid since she stepped foot inside that ruttin' academy, anyway." Jayne muttered in anger.

"What?" Simon said furiously.

"I said she aint been a kid for a long gorram time!"

"And this somehow justifies your child molestation?"

"I AM NOT A CHILD!" River screamed, her voice shook the walls.

Jayne rolled his eyes at Simon. "I know she's yer mei mei, Doc. But ya gotta let go sometime."

"Sometime is not now, you uneducated ape!"

"Why'dyou always come back to that? So what if he didn't finish school?" Kaylee said, pushing away from her seat next to Simon and standing up.

"So what, Kaylee? So what?! My sister deserves better than some back birth who couldn't even earn a high school diploma!"

Kaylee's jaw hit the floor. "An a person's jus' worthless if they din' finish high school, huh?"

"Pretty much!"

"So Zoe's worthless? Mal's worthless? The Shepard was worthless?" Simon seemed to have been thoroughly put in his place. He looked shocked and Kaylee raised a triumphant eyebrow at him. "Guess you got a bit o' thinkin' ta git to, now doncha?"

"Even if I discounted that, he's a scoundrel! He drinks, curses, swears, kills people for a living!"

"If he was as bad as you say, why would I like him?" River said wearily.

She was met with silence. Simon opened and closed his mouth several times, but he was never one for the quick, witty response. River looked between him and Mal and smiled softly. Zoe nodded her head approvingly at her and was clearly impressed.

"I can see my point is well taken." She continued with an air of finality. "Frankly, what Jayne and I do is no one else's business until it starts to affect our work ethic. Considering nothing of the sort has happened thus far, I refuse to be grounded and I assume it's safe to say Jayne agrees."

"Damn straight."

"Wonderful. Now that that's all taken care of, I believe I have laundry to attend to." River said lightly, taking Jayne's hand and walking out. Mal watched them go in utter helplessness.

Inara and Kaylee left together not long after, whispering snappishly with each other. Simon sighed in a truly upsettingly bone weary manner and left to wander listlessly to the infirmary. Mal took a seat next to Zoe and rubbed at his throbbing forehead.

"I am still the captain of this ship right? River din' jus' snatch that out from under me when I weren't lookin'?"

"That's a negative, sir."

Mal groaned. "What the hell m'I s'posed ta do, Zoe? That man aint no where near right fer her."

"Ya seemed ta think otherwise when you was pairin' them off to be partners, sir."

"That's different, though. Fightin' aint like lovin' or…" Mal shuddered. "Or sexin'."

Zoe smiled. "Way I figure they're not that much different. An' frankly if our Jayne, our grumpy, ornery, selfish, mean old Jayne, can bring himself to trust that bitty little girl with his life, then maybe there was something there we weren't seeing. Sir."

Mal frowned and pouted just a little bit. "It don' make no sense ta me, Zo."

"Don' make sense to many, sir, if we're talkin' on love. Did Wash and I make sense? Hell, did we need to?"

Mal squirmed uncomfortably. "Guess not. You sayin' you approve of this?"

"I aint sayin' much either way. But I am saying you can't go groundin' them. Like Inara said, you can fire them or dock their pay and you can shout at the top of your voice and stamp your right manly and captainly feet. At the end of the day though, they're gonna do what their hearts tell 'em to."

Mal laughed bitterly. "I wasn't aware as we were operating under the notion that our Jayne had a heart."

Zoe smiled. "It is a new concept that may be difficult to work around, but all the same we gotta work around it."

"I dunno, Zo. This here situation reeks of complicatedness. Which I think you know I have a sincere distaste for."

Zoe shrugged and deadpanned. "We've gotten out of worse scrapes, sir."

"You sayin' there's a way out?"

"I reckon not."

"… Go se."

Zoe laughed brightly. Mal gave her a funny look.

"Said the same thing when you found out about me an' Wash."

Mal huffed indignantly and took on an expression of intense frustration. "Oh good gorramit, not again!"

* * *

Simon peeked around the door in confusion. He'd been on his way to find River to maybe get in a private word and try to talk some sense into her when he'd heard the music. Shamefully, even after living on Serenity for over a year, Simon was not entirely sure where the laundry room was, precisely. Kaylee and Mal seemed to have reached a silent agreement long ago that Simon was not really cut out for laundry duty and really he was inclined to agree.

So he had been walking about blindly in the lower levels, looking for the way to get down into the basement/belly of the ship. But then, as he'd been about to give up, he'd thought that maybe he could hear a faint strain of music. The doctor figured it was worth a try to see where it lead. In fact, it lead him over to a door and a set of stairs that he hadn't been previously aware existed.

Once the door was open, Simon paused as the music washed out. It was certainly loud. Heavy in drums and guitar. He walked down the short flight of stairs and found there was an open doorway down a little bit of a hallway and that was were the music was issuing from.

Simon tip toed down the hallway. And thus he found himself in his current state of confusion, peeking around the door.

Jayne and River were dancing around the room. Happily. There were three large piles of laundry sorted into lights, mediums, and darks. Jayne and River were dancing around and separating dirty clothes into said piles. Somewhere, somehow, Jayne had acquired a pair of large, aviator style sun glasses and was doing a fair impression of a drummer. When he wasn't handling various garments he had his arms crossed flicking his wrists perfectly in time with the percussion. River had taken up the gauntlet of air guitaring her way around the room which, like everything else, she did with remarkable grace. It seemed to be a song they knew well, and once Simon bothered to listen, he realized he knew it too. One of the many covers of a cover of a cover from earth that was.

River laughing delightedly as Jayne mimicked the drum solo perfectly. He grinned devilishly. It struck the doctor then just how much fun they were having. How much fun they could have together in general. And often. He knew that he alone could not let loose enough to just have childish fun with River like this. Neither could anyone save Kaylee, really. And in that moment it almost made sense to him, the possibility of them together. Simon felt a little sick.

He watched as Jayne flipped open the top of the washing machine and River began to toss him balled up articles of clothing for him to throw in like one might throw basketballs at a hoop. She cheered each time he successfully landed a shirt or a sock in the machine. Simon felt then that maybe he should leave. That perhaps this moment was theirs, almost private. And so he did.

At the end of the hallway he paused to acknowledge that he had just willingly left this mei mei alone with Jayne Cobb. Simon's face wrinkled in disgust but he shook it off. This was clearly what she wanted and when he stopped to consider it… when had anyone ever told River that she couldn't have what she wanted? Simon sighed. When he looked at it that way, what was the chance of him actually stopping her? Slim to none, as Kaylee would say.

Kaylee. Simon steeled himself to go find her and apologize. He might start to consider thinking about the words coming out of his mouth sometimes. Simon started his climb up the stairs and just before he reached the fifth step, somewhere in the middle, something tugged on his pant leg. Simon looked down at a grinning River. He smiled.

"Hi Mei Mei."

"Hello Simon." Simon turned and walked back down the stairs.

The two siblings stood in front of each other for a silent moment before Simon reached out and swept River up into his arms. River hugged him back tightly. Simon stroked her long hair and sighed heavily.

"You know I'm only scared for you because I love you, right? You've been through so much. I can't stand the thought of anything hurting you more."

"It eats you up inside. Worrying little bugs gnawing on my poor Simon. But we will douse them with insecticide. I am fine. No worrying for my ge ge."

"I love you, River."

"I love you too, Simon."

They broke apart and went their separate ways. Simon to find Kaylee, River to go back to Jayne. As Simon reached the top of the stairs, though, he turned to shout out to River.

"Mei mei?"

"Yes?" She answered from somewhere down the hall.

"Come see me in the infirmary tomorrow. We'll talk about birth control."

"Actually, I will talk, you will turn red and stutter a lot."

"Well… as long as it gets done."

"Alright, until then."

"Until then."


	6. Like the Ocean

For the first time in his life Jayne was plumb afraid to enter the galley. Literally afraid. And that was, of course, saying a big damn somethin' on account of there were only a very few things that scared Jayne Cobb.

Now, this was an unlikely thing to strike fear into his heart, he'd admit, but it wasn't like no one else was faring any better. Mal and Zoe were lookin' right shell shocked, standin' next to him. Kaylee looked ready to bolt at any second on the other side, but she was held prisoner along with River, inside the doorway. Core folk were damn scary when they lost it.

Simon was actually purple. None of this slightly red and turning darker business, the boy had become a gorram blueberry. He was sweating and spitting as he practically frothed at the mouth. Now this alone, Jayne might have found comical. It was the fact that Inara, cool, calm, collected, Inara, was equally purple, and shouting back just as loudly.

"You're a fool, Simon Tam! A blind fool!"

"You're a meddling whore! I wonder which is worse?! Oh wait, no I don't!"

"How dare you, you self righteous, close minded, ching wah tsao duh liao mahng!!"

"I'm self righteous? Rich, Inara, coming from you."

"As usual, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"I have no idea what I'm talking about?!" Simon started laughing in this crazed hysterical manner that truly disturbed Jayne. "_She could have died Inara!_ How would you have felt if that had happened? How dare you keep that from me?!"

The pair began to talk over each other at equal vitriolic volume. You couldn't so much as understand a gorram word they were saying, it was just angry, hateful noise. They were hissing like rutting tom cats fighting over territory. Jayne checked the expressions of Mal and Zoe, who both were clearly out of their element and stunned. Kaylee seemed to share his own wary concern over the situation, but it was River who looked the most affected.

She started to shake. Jayne got real anxious about that. It wouldn't do to have her have a fit. It just wouldn't. Inara ran out of breath and sucked in a huge breathe of air. Simon saw an opening though. While she was momentarily silent he started in on her.

"I'm her doctor! I know what's best for her! You? You're a--"

"**HEY!**" Jayne screamed. His voice was much louder than Simon and Inara's put together. They broke away from their fight to glare at him angrily. Well that he could deal with. Jayne was used to death glares, they rolled off him like water off a gorram duck's back a this point.

"Now I'm a vet'ran in this here situation, dong ma? An' Simon, yer 'bout to say somethin' ya really, really don' mean. How do I know? Jus' do. Go with it. An 'Nara. Think I know what this is about and really… while I don't got no personal objections on the subject, maybe it woulda been best if'n you'da told the man a mite sooner 'stead of lettin' his sis inform him several months later."

"It's none of his business." Inara insisted.

"Truth be told, it aint yourn neither."

"I gave her the--"

"Yeah, I know. That's one of the firs' things Riv ever told me 'bout herself. An' I think it's real thoughtful of ya. But the doc's been givin' her mild meds fer months not knowin' that she was on the pill."

"On the WHAT??" Mal exploded. Zoe touched his shoulder in a silent plea for him to let other people do the yelling, for now, at least.

"She's on the shot, not the pill."

Jayne crossed his large arms over his chest and gave her a look. "Don' really matter none what she's on, Nara, jus that she's on somethin' in the first place."

Mal turned to Zoe in shock. "Is Jayne mediatin' an argument between Simon and Inara?" He asked in an awed whisper.

"Sir I believe that's exactly what's happening."

"You'll catch me if I pass out, yeah?"

"Of course, sir."

"Okay then."

Jayne overheard them and sent a mean look in Mal's direction. "Riv was gettin' upset. Hadda do somethin'."

All eyes turned to River at this proclamation. Her big brown doe eyes were glistening with tears and she was shaking like a leaf. Kaylee had a gentle arm around her that didn't seem to be doing much good. Jayne got real fidgety watching her. She sure as hell didn't look like his partner just then. There was this wildness in her eyes he hadn't seen in a damn long time.

Bad-ass-right-Reaver-slaughterin' River, he could deal with. Sexy-dancin'-so-close-you-feel-your-heart'll-explode River, he could deal with. Bratty-prank-pullin-naughty River, he could deal with that too. Even smarter-than-everyone-you'll-ever-know-put-together-watch-me-prove-it River, not a problem. Crazy River? He had no ruttin' idea.

She started to whimper. Jayne got even twitchier.

He didn't right know what to do. River almost never got like that around him. It was a damn peculiar sensation gettin' all sorts of worked up over one of her fits. It felt like every time she shook or whimpered that something awful had happened to Jayne. He found that he'd half mindedly reached out to her.

Her eye's focused on him, and this one tear drop rolled down her pretty pink cheek. Jayne sighed and uncomfortably beckoned her towards him. She bolted away from Kaylee and buried herself in his chest. She was babbling incoherently. After a moment, Jayne raised his arms to rest them around her thin shoulders lightly.

"River, sweatheart what's wrong?" Inara looked concerned.

"River? Mei mei, talk to me." Simon tried to coax.

They both came closer to her and she screeched and pulled herself farther up into Jayne's arms. Jayne growled to get them to back off and then scooped River up bride style to carry her across the room. He huddled with her by the sink and touched her face gently. It was awkward, truth be told. He'd never wanted this sort of thing to be his job. But he felt… something.

His partner shouldn't have to suffer like she was. So he pushed down his discomfort and tried to make sense of why she'd gone bat-shit again. She looked at him pleadingly, which just about tore his heart out. "Jayne…" she wailed, "Soloudsoloudsoloud. Like the boys, rimcats and lassiters and screaming in my head! Vitriolic venom varying violet villainy in my veins, I hurt! So… it was so loud! They hit again and again and again and again and they never stop, so angry, why are they so angry? They forced their way in and they pushed at me until I broke again. They broke me again!"

Jayne scowled. He started to shake a mite bit himself. He was frustrated and angry. He knew he was slow sometimes but he was trying his hardest and he just couldn't place what she meant. He'd never bothered before. All he knew was that it tore at him somethin' awful to see her this bad again. She was a right mess thanks to the two idiots what picked a monster fight right in front of a psychic.

Jayne awkwardly stroked her hair. He'd never had to calm her down after one of her fits before. Even on Londinium she was alright again when he went after her. Oh… was that what she was talking about?

"You mean like when we went to go see that game? An' them hun dans behind us was thinkin' on ya?" River nodded and sobbed into his shirt.

A look of understand dawned on Jayne's face. Then it was immediately replaced by anger. He tried to calm himself though. The anger was what was hurtin', not helpin'. "Alright look. Riv's a bit wound up cuz ya'll are fightin'. She's so close an… I think it might be like… cuz she can feel everything… I dunno." Jayne stopped himself, the whole crew were givin' him confused looks, like he shouldn't be doin' no thinking on his own. In a strange way, he agreed. But it was still insultin' an' if they din' wanna hear it from him, that was their own gorram fault. Jayne set his jaw and went back to trying to tend to River.

Kaylee made a frustrated noise. She looked about at everyone else and huffed. It tore her up somethin' awful that Jayne might have been onto somethin' but stopped jus' cuz they weren't willing to give him a chance. "No Jayne, go on. Was was ya sayin' 'bout River?" Kaylee prodded.

Jayne huffed in irritation, turning back to the crew. "She's a psychic right? So, she can feel everyone else's thoughts or whatnot. But she's better now, so it's only when it all strong like and up close. Well her brother and Nara are right 'motional and ruttin' up close. S'like… she's fightin' herself inside her own body. She don' know how to deal."

River's shaking subsided immediately as he finished his explanation. She nodded vigorously. "Clever bear." She smiled, sagging with relief onto his shoulder. Jayne nodded, grinning despite himself.

"Yeah, I try."

"It is good… that you try. It makes me not broken again. You can be my voice when I can't tell which voice is mine."

"Is that what partners do fer each other?"

"I think it could be." Jayne nodded, then ran a hand through her silky brown hair to soothe her further. River was boneless at that point, completely exhausted.

"So, what lesson did we learn today?" Kaylee said brightly. "Don't keep harmful secrets and don't over react directly next to a mind readin' assassin."

Jayne nodded. "Good lesson."

Mal scoffed. "Aint exactly the lesson I was hopin' for on my ship! I could use a refresher on why exactly the two most well contained crew members I got suddenly ruttin' lost their shit on each other!"

Inara and Simon looked deeply shamed. "I… I found out that Inara had been providing birth control to River for some months now. Obviously… I did not approve." Simon said, straightening his fancy vest.

Inara swept a stray curl back into place and nodded. "I was very insulted by Simon's manner of confrontation and I reacted badly in turn." They both placed they hands on top of their laps and hung their heads like chastised school children awaiting a teacher's ruler to the wrist. Mal threw his hands up.

"I won't ever understand Core folk."

Zoe nodded, expressionless. "They're a damn strange breed."

Mal shook his head and frowned like his head hurt, which it did. "So alright. Simon, do whatever tests ya need to make sure that my lil' witch aint more scrambled on the inside than necessary. Nara, well… work it out with Simon."

Inara nodded. "I believe that would be wise. Simon dear, would you please come to my shuttle for some tea?"

Simon nodded, blushing. "Perhaps some chamomile."

Inara smiled angelically. "I was thinking the same thing." They bowed to each other delicately before walking calmly out of the galley. Jayne shook his head in general disbelief with the whole situation.

The following silence in the room seemed to be the result of Kaylee watchin' on dreamily as Jayne wet a clean washing cloth and put it to River's forehead. Mal looked right twitchy, but stood his ground all the same while Zoe seemed to be lost in the space of her own head. After a moment or two of eyes burning into his back, Jayne turned and gave the three of them a long suffering look of irritation.

Mal's eyes darted pointedly to Jayne's arms around River but Jayne couldn't even glare because Zoe had seen and pulled him towards the door right quick. Kaylee, the smart girl, took that as her cue to vacate. Jayne still held River close while Mal, Zoe, and Kaylee left the galley to go be someplace elsewhere. After a minute or two of just waiting for her to come back to herself, Jayne made eye contact.

"Ya'llright?"

River laughed in a shaky, almost unstable way. "I am much better than I was. Thank you. But I am still a little turquoise."

"Yer still a turtle?" Jayne asked worriedly. Crazy he might be able to handle, multiple personalities involving reptiles… or possibly amphibians… well, that weren't nothing he was prepared for.

"Um, no. Turquoise, a color."

"Oh…." River was able to sense the intense relief in that one word. "That's like blue and green and purple… ish?"

"Yes. That's what… the argument felt… it's hard to explain."

Jayne shrugged. "Don' matter none." He replied gruffly.

River smiled softly at him, then sat up on the counter, kneeling and hugging him to her. Her arms came around his shoulders and Jayne laid a large hand on her hip. She sighed heavily. "You're so peaceful. Violent and rhythmic like the ocean."

Jayne raised a handsome brow at her. "How'my peaceful and violent at the same time?"

"Violent by nature. Peaceful inside here." She tapped his temple. "Hold on tightly, let go lightly. Where everyone else grips and keeps and lets fester and boil like bitterness under the skin, Jayne just lets go. He doesn't need to know everything. Waves come in, maybe they leave their presents and impressions on the shore, but they always fade back out. Always. Rhythmic." She whispered to him. "Deeper down there is darkness, and predators lurk, but still… it is quiet."

Jayne knew she couldn't see it, but he looked kinda… impressed. No one'd ever bothered on thinkin' out an extended metaphor fer him. Was sweet, how it just came to her and how she liked that about him. "Thanks, I guess."

River just nodded, taking deep breathes of the scent of his hair. She yawned and snuggled closer still. It actually started to make him a little hard. He grunted and shifted against her.

"Come on, Riv. Think you could use a good lie down." The merc scooped her back up into his arms and carried her out of the galley, down the stairs into the common area. He set her down on the long couch and took a seat next to her. She rested her head lightly on his shoulder while placing one tiny, soft hand on one of his.

Out of nowhere, she started to laugh. "We certainly have caused an upheaval in emotions."

"Yup. Quite the ruckus." About a minute later, River's breathing evened out and Jayne could tell she had clean passed out from said ruckus. It was right weird, but he didn't want to wake her or nothin'. Instead, he got himself as comfortable as he could, and settled in to watch her nap.

He stroked her silky brown hair and grinned to himself. Fer no reason at all, really. He just found he was kinda… happy. Rutting strange, he knew, but still true. Maybe a half hour had passed before Jayne heard foot steps approaching. Jayne listened more carefully. The tap of feet hitting metal was uneven. Kaylee. She was the only person on the ship who added in a skip step fer no reason at all on her way down the stairs. She entered the room not seconds later.

"Hey Jayne." She said, softly, on account of she could see River was asleep.

"Hey Kaylee."

"How long's she been out?"

Jayne made a face. "Aint like I'm keepin' time." _29 minutes, 8 seconds_ floated into his head for no real reason he could conjure.

Kaylee shrugged. "How you fairin' after all that hoop-la?" He grunted in lieu of an actual response, which was just fine with Kaylee.

She took a seat, lounging back in greasy cover-alls on the chair set up across the room from River and Jayne. She sighed when she got to put her feet up.

River hummed softly, still asleep, yet aware of her bao bei. Her arms enfolded him even in her sleep and she stilled once more. Jayne looked down at her in an amused way, like he'd seen his Pa do with his Ma countless times. Kaylee smiled to herself.

"Cap'n says we got a job comin' up soon."

Jayne nodded. "That the one on Athens?"

Kaylee shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Athens job got scrapped on account'a the sandstorms. We're headed into the Core fer our next 'un."

"Where abouts?"

"Sihnon, 'Nara's home world. Way the Cap'n tells it, we're gonna rob a senator."

"Never robbed me a senator a'fore. Sounds right shiny." Jayne said with a dark chuckle.

River smiled in her half-sleep and he pet her hair. "Ocean of light." She whispered. "Sea of silver and gold. Planet of platinums."

Jayne grinned, almost evilly, Kaylee thought. "Hell ruttin' yes."

"Won' be easy." Kaylee said, yawning and lounging back further into the chair.

"Never is." Jayne replied.


	7. The Vault Job

"Okay look." Mal whispered as he, Jayne, and Zoë crept through the gardens of Senator Ethan Cho's mansion. "This operation is about stealthiness. I don't wanna hear a gorram step you make. AH!" He shrieked as River appeared beside him suddenly.

Mal jumped a bit and tripped over Zoë's foot. He fell over sideways and into a giant thorny shrub. Jayne moved to lean against the nearest tree and tried to make his laughter as silent as possible. Zoe smiled as much as one could without showing teeth. River huffed and shook her head at Mal, offering him a hand up. He had brambles and burrs stuck everywhere in his hair. Jayne doubled over and pointed at him.

Mal glared while River went through and patiently picked out all the plant life. The foursome waited until Jayne's laughter had calmed to the occasional snicker and then continued to move towards the house.

"We all set?" Jayne whispered to River, she had been sent forward to survey the security guard detail and read them.

"Yes. Tonight's guards are drifting, not paying attention. Nothing ever happens here. They have congregated in the basement for a high stakes poker game."

"Shiny." They crept through the gardens on (mostly) silent feet, crouching low where no trees provided cover. The gardens were massive, circling the entire mansion, encompassing every form of plant you could grow, including a few of the more deadly variety. The house loomed ahead, dark and dauntingly large. The Cho Mansion was eight floors total, sprawling over about three quarters of an acre. Jayne had never seen it's equal. Gargoyles were carved into the solid, inky black marble guarding the windows of each floor. Balconies wrapped around the entire fifth and seventh floors. Six foot tall shimmering glass windows marked the spacing between the other floors.

The only lights that shone were from the forth floor;everything residential was there. Kaylee had said not to worry on the lights. They were set on electronic timers, so them being on didn't mean the family was actually home. It was a nice little trick to fool nasty criminals such as…. them… into thinking they were always home.

Not that it particularly mattered where the Cho family normally was. Tonight they were enjoying society out at some fancible Opera house,and the crew of Serenity were immensely grateful as it meant they were given the opportunity to rob them blind. Or as near to blind as they could manage.

The vault was on the top floor, holding more than 300,000 platinum and several veritably priceless relics. The only reason no one had ever tried to rob the Senator before was on account of the fact that the room leading to the vault was a field of lasers in constant motion, programmed to turn deadly when motion was detected. The lasers could only be turned off by Senator Cho himself. They were keyed into his personal body signature, which River had explained was the unique combination of heat, pheromone output, and a retina scan. As if that weren't over kill in and of itself, the vault itself was locked by a keypad with a thirteen digit entry code that changed monthly, and obviously, only he was ever privy to.

Jayne still wasn't sure how they planned to move around that, but River had assured him there was a plan that would work already in place. He had a bad feelin' about it, actually. She'd waved it off as something he wouldn't want to hear, with technology and the like. And really, if she'd started explaining it and it had gotten too complicated he would have just told her to stop talking, but on the whole it wasn't like her to not want to explain. Jayne figured her not speakin' up was 'cause either she figured he was just a lost cause for these things (which made him a mite tetchy), or because maybe it was gonna be more dangerous for her than Mal was lettin' on.

The four of them reached the line where the garden met the path. Mostly gravel, the walkway followed the inner rim of the gardens and circled the perimeter of the house. River aimed a silenced .22 she called Dorian at the security camera they were just out of sight from. The technology shattered and she waved the other three forward.

Jayne let Mal and Zoe go first so that he could walk at the back, watching behind them for any unexpected company. As they snuck on to the path the weaponry came out. Mal removed a pistol from his holster as Zoe brought out the ever faithful mare's leg. Jayne had gone with Liza, one of two .45 sniper rifles. Liza had a strap to go around his back though, so he'd chosen her over Annette.

There were no lights on, but Sihnon had eight moons that all glowed brightly. They actually made keeping to the shadows pretty gorram difficult. River held her hand up in a fist, the symbol to stop moving. Jayne waited for River's nod, to signal there was no soul about or about to move their way. She stilled almost entirely, her eyes slipping closed. Jayne watched her with a tiny bit of fascination. A slight tilt of her head. A deep breath in. A deep breathe out. She nodded firmly. Safe. Jayne holstered his weapon.

Mal took the rope hanging from his belt off, along with the equal length of rope that was secured around his chest and shoulders like a bandolier. He handed one each to Jayne and River. Jayne glared at Mal when his hand was punctured sharply by the rope. Apparently he'd gotten everything on him covered in brambles as well. The merc shook his head at Mal, beginning to pick out the brambles one by one, glaring at the Captain a little bit. Why he and River hadn't been allowed to carry their own rope, Jayne couldn't figure. But maybe it had something to do with Mal needing something useful to do. Considering River and Zoe had basically taken the planning of this heist from him by force, maybe it wasn't too far a stretch in logic. Jayne and River both shot glares in Mal's direction as they plucked the last of the brambles out of their rope. The captain was somewhat off put by the startling symmetry in their expressions.

Jayne craned his neck to look upwards, where the ropes would have to land. The balcony on the fifth floor would be a bit of a hefty toss. Zoe dug through the small bag she carried with her and she handed River a grappling hook before giving an identical one to Jayne. The two killers swiftly tied expert knots to link their two supplies together. Jayne took a few large steps back eying the balcony carefully. He frowned.

The pillars that held up the hand rail weren't nearly wide enough for the legs of the grappling hook to fit through. He could land the hook on the actual hand rail but as much weight as he had resting on that little support was an idea what spoke of badness. Jayne cast a worried look at River. The girl genius smiled gently at him, walking over and picking up his hook. She pressed a black button he hadn't noticed on the top. The legs of the hook retracted to within the ball in the middle. Jayne rolled his eyes, sticking his tongue out at her. She laughed with eyes alone and him and retracted the legs on her own hook.

Jayne let loose about two and a half feet of rope and stepped away to swing the (surprisingly weighty) hook over his head. Releasing it with practiced perfection, the hook soared through the air, landing directly where he'd aimed. At the first contact with stone, the legs of the hook sprung out and locked in place. Must have been pressure rigged. Jayne tugged the rope towards himself forcefully, the legs of the hook snagged and held well. Regardless, as River swung her rope, he tugged a few more times to make sure it would hold. River's hook landed and locked against two other pillars about a foot away from Jayne's. She tested hers too. It held.

The two trooped forward and began their assent. Jayne looked over when he was about half way up the rope, and was mildly surprised that River was not beside him. He looked down, and when he saw nothing except Mal and Zoe, he cast a cautionary look upwards. She had somehow gained about a foot and a half on him. She climbed like a ruttin monkey. He distantly heard her murmur, "Less weight to pull." Jayne grinned and climbed faster.

Not a minute later, she reached the end of her rope and pulled off an impressive flip over the balcony's hand rest onto the actual balcony. She turned to assess Jayne's progress and he pulled himself up like a normal person (not without a pointed look in her direction) seconds later.

The pair looked over the edge of the balcony and beckoned Mal and Zoe up the ropes. The partners below started their climb while the partners above tried to negotiate removing a nearby window.

Kaylee had set them up with a small EMP. The gadget had about a six foot radius and would wipe out any electrical signature within its path. Since the windows were equipped with individual alarms, and none were linked back to the main system, the only trouble would be finding one big enough for Jayne to get through. River pointed to Jayne's left and they jogged that way, coming up to a window that led into a dark, empty room.

River set the EMP up on the window sill and detonated it. It made some fancy electrical noise, and Jayne could see a small light beside the window on the inside flicker. River glanced at the window thoughtfully as behind them Zoë climbed over the railing onto the balcony. River grinned and gestured to Jayne.

As Mal made it up the rope and over the balcony, River mimed a punch at the window. Jayne nodded, grinning. He wrapped his hand in his coat sleeve and wound up, delivered a mighty punch to the thin glass. It shattered everywhere. River mimed a small round of applause. Jayne took the opportunity to flex his bicep for her. She rolled her eyes but he saw that smile she was trying to hide.

River reached through the jagged hole and flipped the tiny latch serving as a lock. She hastily removed her arm as the window automatically opened about half way. Jayne glanced over his shoulder to watch as Mal and Zoe pulled the hook and rope sets up and began to recoil them. The other pair finished in seconds and trotted over to the window to stand beside River and Jayne.

Zoe's boots crunched delicately against the shattered glass. She crooked a thoughtful eyebrow at Jayne. "We don't' got no… glass cutters or… lock picks? Somethin' of the like?" She whispered.

Mal chuckled, that wry almost hollow smile playin' about his mouth. "Not by my last check."

"We lack the funds." River said in a hushed voice.

Mal bent hisself over a small communicator, sending Kaylee a text wave that stage one was complete. This would be the mechanic's cue to fire up Serenity with Inara. From this point, they would have 45 minutes total to find the vault, get through the defenses and secure the bounty.

"'Sides," the Captain whispered, fiddling with the numbers and letters on the tiny keyboard. "Window's too small for me or Jayne ta fit through. Gotta pop the whole frame out. Aint no glass cutter nor lock picker gonna git that done."

"'Cept'n me, that is." Jayne said, grinning.

River giggled, slipping gracefully through the window, turning once she had landed to beckon Jayne closer. The merc gripped the bottom on the top half of the window as hard as he could. River placed her hands on the other side, not far from his, and nodded once… twice… three times. Jayne pulled swiftly while River pushed and the top half of the window popped right out. Jayne set it down carefully on the balcony floor. He climbed inside.

He swung Liza back around and aimed her cautiously around the room. The mansion might as well have been a graveyard for all the activity they'd seen in it so far. But it'd still be a damn shame for some poor wayward servant to come stumbling in. River took out Dorian again and pointed him at the ceiling as Malthen Zoe climbed in quickly. Mal motioned River and Jayne forward so he could deal with the window. Apparently there was some fancy chip in it's workings that Kaylee had been wantin' powerful bad and Mal never was one to refuse Kaylee nothin'. Jayne and River hovered by the door while Mal extracted the tiny computer chip.

River and Jayne waited by the door frame, assessing the area outside it. The hallway was dark, practically pitch black. Only the layout of the mansion they had carefully studied earlier told Jayne there was an emergency staircase at the end of that hallway. River went first, holding her hand out to Jayne. Jayne gripped her tiny, soft hand in his and they crept together down the hallway, confident without looking (not that they could see anything) that Mal and Zoe were doing the exact same thing behind them.

River stopped suddenly. Jayne held out a hand to steady Mal behind him as, sure enough, the Captain slammed into Jayne's broad back and brought Zoe along with him. River worked quickly without eyes to see and soon the dark hallway had a stream of scarlet light to see by. The staircase was illuminated only by deep red emergency lights in a spiral pattern up the walls. The four criminals moved quickly into the emergency staircase.

River turned briefly to smirk at the other three. "Race you." She said breathlessly. Half a second later she was off like a shot up the winding, grey cement steps of the staircase. Jayne took off after her, smiling. From behind, he distantly heard Mal mutter, "Creepy."

Jayne was a bit disturbed by it his own self. Not so much by the fact that everything was this odd, deeply bloodstained color, but by the fact that River still looking remarkably hot, even in said creepy ass lighting. He grinned and pushed harder to catch up with her. He could take them two at a time, but that was still a helluva lot of stairs. Never-ruttin'-ending, it seemed.

The muscles in his legs began to burn. Every time he drew a breath in, it seemed to sear in his chest. He actually liked it**—**was good exercise. This was the kind of burn he lived for. The pump of adrenaline that crime always gave him, River movin' like a cat in front of him, the amusin' as all hellfire sound of the Captain wheezing heavily behind him. It was a gorram good time so far. After what seemed like a time period irrationally close to eternity, the crew reached the final plateau in the staircase. River's run stuttered to a halt and Jayne reigned himself in just in time to not knock into her. The Cap and Zoe trotted up moments later.

There was a door, locked with both mechanics and electronics, waiting for them. The EMP came out again. River set it off and Jayne knelt to begin picking the insane series of locks. From bottom to top, Jayne counted eight, all reliant upon the one preceding it to open before it would open. Jayne was quick with his hands though, and lock picking was an ancient skill for him. Long summer nights when the general store on his home moon had long since been closed, coupled with friends that wanted to party hard had taught him this valuable skill. River giggled. Jayne tossed her a smirk.

"The profits of a misspent youth,"** s**he whispered.

Jayne shrugged, undoing the final lock at the top. Even with help from River, Zoe, and the Captain, Jayne had trouble prying open the truly massive three foot solid steel door. Once it was open though, Jayne almost wished it had been closed. The laser field was most definitely not something he wanted River anywhere near.

They weren't those familiar red lasers that Jayne had been envisioning for the most part. These were lasers he'd been hoping beyond reason he would never see again. Jayne had a personal vendetta against these lasers. Green. Electronically engineered to sear the flesh right off you. Jayne panicked a little.

Red would hurt, true, but the green… the green had the venom to worry on as well. The merc hadn't understood for a long while how lasers could contain venom, but a partner had explained it to him once. They were composed of some high tech computer code inlayed with the ability to trick the skin into believing that it was infected. A person's body would simply react and begin to push out the substance that wasn't there, start creating antibodies that weren't needed and the program upped those until the skin had actually infected itself. Nasty piece of work. And something no one healed from.

He turned to his partner and grabbed her upper arm in a vice-like grip. He frowned heavily at her. "No." He said simply.

River sighed. "Yes."

It occurred to Jayne just exactly why she'd been so unhelpful in explaining her particular role in this endeavor. "I aint lettin' you into that kinda danger, Riv. Won't do it."

"Jayne I can do this. I have been trained in this exact scenario."

"Don't care."

"You should. Think of the payoff!" She said with a smile.

Jayne released her arm and glared at her in disbelief. "If you think fer one second I care a damn about the profit when yer in danger, ya done lost your ruttin' shit again. Ya gone through all the trouble o' makin' me used to a partner, ya aint allowed to go an' git yerself killed."

River looked shocked, and then slowly, her expression became pained. "I'm… sorry. I shouldn't have insulted you that way."

"Alright. Ya can make it up ta me by not goin' in there."

River lurched up on her tip toes, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips forcefully against his. Jayne's head spun with the passion behind it. He kissed her back. Her tiny hand wound itself in his short hair. He smelled her everywhere. That taste of cherries was back in his mouth, savory and bright and fresh. He groaned. River gasped. And then just as soon as it had started, it had stopped. There was empty air in his arms, and River was halfway across the laser field.

Jayne damn near exploded with anger. That low down dirty deceivin' bitch! Kissin' on him just to distract him enough to get herself killed! This was why he didn't kiss on the gorram mouth! Distracted him too much! His whole acquaintance with her flashed before his eyes. Every second they'd spend as partners or as enemies. He couldn't even begin to process what it would be liked if she kicked the bucket here and now. His heart stuttered painfully and his vision blurred. He'd never been so scared. It made him furious.

He was even too angry to acknowledge that she was doing perfectly well in navigating her way across the room, even as the lasers dipped and slid in random patterns. She flipped and twisted, soared and danced her lying little body gracefully across the giant ballroom to the vault. Jayne's anger ebbed slightly when he realized that she actually was very capable. She was about a foot from the vault and it had only been a minute.

But that still din' excuse…. sneaky little… with her twirly little moves! She was supposed to be smart! A ruttin' genius in point of fact. How was dancing through gorram green lasers any way of showin' off intelligence?! Jayne gritted his teeth. River went into a full split and bent so far backwards to avoid a deadly green beam that the back of her head touched her knee.

…

He was totally falling for her. He fumed silently and tried to figure out why the sneaky, smart and deadly combo was suddenly the biggest turn on he'd ever felt.

As River avoided a particularly close call with a laser beam near her thigh, Jayne heard Zoe gasp behind him. He turned and frowned at her. In that way that Zoe had of only showing emotions through her eyes, she seemed pretty… surprised. It was enough for Jayne to turn a questioning glance to Mal, who was looking concerned. Concerned… but not exactly shocked. Jayne gritted his teeth together and felt a growl rumble deep inside his chest.

"You knew." Jayne said simply. Mal nodded jerkily. Jayne's jaw felt wired shut it was clenched so hard. "Was this the one part of the job you did plan?" The merc asked.

Mal glared, but didn't respond. Jayne had his answer. He turned angrily away to watch his partner's progress across the room.

River reached the other side of the room without breaking a sweat. She deactivated the laser field quickly, and waved the others through. Jayne stomped his way across the room and tried his best to emanate anger from every pore of his body.

He stopped half an inch from River and bent down to glare at her. She actually looked a little… frightened. Her mouth always dropped open a fraction when she got scared. That and a slight widening of her eyes, how they seemed to glow just a bit. He'd never seen her look at him like that before. Well good! He'd been scared half to death, she deserved little retribution her own self. He sneered at her and even when she started to tear up he didn't change his expression. Some part of him had to make sure she understood how furious he was with her.

When she opened her mouth to say something, he shook his head grimly. He bent in real slow, maybe like he might kiss her. He locked his eyes to hers. He saw her pulse quicken under her skin. It fluttered against her jugular like a trapped butterfly. He gripped her upper arms and hauled her up to his eye level. She inhaled sharply when his lips hung just barely a half centimeter from hers. "Never. Again." He growled. The vibration shook hers lips. She nodded and gave him mournful puppy eyes.

"Hey now!" Mal said. Jayne and River turned to stare at him in confusion, he had his pistol trained on them. "Enough of this. Jayne you best put my assassin down and she best be unbruised when next I see her arms."

Jayne set River down on her feet again, sagging in sudden exhaustion. River turned to address Mal. "Everything is fine, Captain. I upset him greatly. It is my fault, not his, that he was so emotionally charged."

"I don't like how he handles you River."

Jayne almost decked him. Shakin' River around so she never tried something so stupid and borderline suicidal again was NOT the same thing as being rough with her because he liked to hurt on women. Jayne growled low in his chest, wondering not for the first time just exactly how low an opinion the Captain had of him.

"Good thing it aint none of yer business."

"Valid point, Captain. Jayne means no physical harm. He's just over stimulated. You would be too if Zoe had pulled a similar stunt."

Zoe laughed, not looking up from the sheet of paper on which River had written the code to the vault as she typed in the entry sequence. "Considerin' I don't make it a habit of kissin' on the Captain, I'd say he would've been _damn_ confused."

"Cap'n always does git a mite confused when pretty girls go kissin' on him." Jayne said gruffly.

"Hey!" Mal whispered snappishly, still brandishing his gun.

River giggled. "Confused or unconscious."

"Come ta think on it, might be he would faint had I tried to kiss on him." Zoe said, entering that final number in the entry sequence.

Jayne, despite his mood, began to chuckle. The image of the Captain's face in such a situation was quite amusing.

Mal lowered his gun, much more red in the cheeks than he had been a few seconds ago, and went to help Zoe pull open the huge vault door. The door ended up requiring all four of their combined efforts to push open wide enough to allow all four of them space to move inside. Jayne's jaw hit the floor.

So. Much. Shiny.

"Holymotherof--"

"Sonnofa--"

"Jesusfucking--"

"I told you so." River said smugly.

This vault was insane. Jayne couldn't even imagine how one person felt safe in keeping so much value just lying around. Well, really not just lying around, it had taken some considerable effort to get to it, but still. They could steal maybe a third of this and be set for a year, maybe a year and a half. Mal's plans NEVER worked this well.

"Riv?"

"Yes?"

"Ya got more plans like this?"

"Zoe and I have been discussing further options based on the outcome of this mission, yes."

Jayne turned to Mal with a pointed look. "So… why don' we let them plan everything?"

Mal glared. "Do I pay you ta ask questions?"

Jayne rolled his eyes and the four of them simultaneously set to work on the bounty. Jayne agreed with River that touching the piles and piles of cash was a bad idea. The cash had numbers that could be traced. But everything else? Fair game. They gathered gallon full bags of gold doubloons, entire cases of diamond encrusted jewelry, paintings, priceless antique watches, hell Jayne wouldn't be surprised if they found a second gorram Lassiter. This payoff was ridiculous in comparison to their normal haul (i.e. nothing).

A soft rumbling turned everyone's face skyward. Serenity had arrived. Stage two: complete. Thirty seconds max to get up to the roof and board the ship. Any longer and even lazy ass guards like the ones they hadn't as yet run into would hear the noise of the ship's engine and get some feds on the line.

Carrying as much with them as they could, knowing that they wouldn't be allowed a trip back, the foursome made their way out of the vault. Rushing across the deactivated laser field, Jayne was highly impressed that neither he, nor the Captain, managed to drop anything. Or trip. Jayne realized now the purpose of the cargo pants and vests River had insisted on everybody wearing.

River was first back through the door, followed by Zoe, Mal and Jayne last. They sprinted up the stairs to the roof exit, various bags and cases jingling merrily along. River stopped at the top of stairs and quickly threw up the cross bar keeping the door locked from the inside. Immediately after, she stepped aside, letting Zoe and Mal follow her example. Without her telling him, Jayne plowed forward and slammed the whole weight of his shoulder into the heavy lead door. A half a second later, the weighty metal gave and Jayne stumbled through, pivoting to hold the door open by leaning back against it.

The other three hustled through and they all grouped together to stomp across the rooftop patio. Serenity hovered above them unsteadily. Inara was much more used to flying the shuttle than she was the entire ship, but she did a fair job when River was required on a run. And even though Serenity wobbled a bit, Jayne thought it must have been the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. If incredibly, unbearably loud.

Her belly opened up and a long ladder with the leather fastenings they'd used on the ill-fated train job were thrown down. There was a canvas lining sewn over the bottom and sides, which was new. The four of them poured their goods into the makeshift satchel and hooked a foot each in the leather still visible. Jayne grabbed a hold of River and once he nodded to Mal, who had a good grip on Zoe, Jayne tugged the rope hard twice.

Distantly above, he thought he could make out the figures of Kaylee and the Doctor peering over the edge. The line gave a sharp lurch and the four criminals, plus their bounty, were lifted into the air. Once they were about halfway up, Serenity kicked into motion, and they were flying blindingly fast over the countryside. The wind was almost as bad as the engines in its volume. It went racing past Jayne's ears in a horribly unpleasant like fashion. It stung too, right around his ears. Times like these, he wished for the cunning hat his mother had sent him. River snuggled closer into Jayne.

Before they knew it, the four of them were being lifted up into Serenity, and her doors were closing below them. Once they snapped shut, the deafening roar of wind and the engines was silenced, and a little bit of warmth returned to Jayne's ears. Kaylee went to try and help the Captain down but stopped mid way, catching sight of the bounty. Mal fell clumsily to the ground.

"Holy good gorramit!"

Jayne grinned and River giggled. "Yeah, I know." The merc said, hooking his thumbs in his belt loops and looking fondly at the new found loot.

A huge smile spread out on Kaylee's pretty face and she began to bounce up and down, shrieking at unpredictable intervals. Jayne made a big show of plugging his ears. River smiled at her crew. Mal and Zoe took point in unhooking the bounty and beginning the long process of dividing it, which Jayne was adamant about being there for.

River smiled, telling him to get his undoubtedly bruised shoulder checked by Simon first. She wandered up the stairs towards the bridge and her rightful pilot's seat as Jayne ambled through the archway at the other end of the bay towards the infirmary.

Almost as if on cue, the two killers looked over their shoulders, catching each other's eyes. River daringly blew him a kiss. Jayne chuckled at the sappy display and mimed catching her kiss for the sole purpose of stuffing it down his britches. River tried to keep a stern expression while he laughed heartily to himself, all the way out of her line of sight.

River turned, shaking her head, and continued on her way to the cockpit. Kaylee shouted up after her that she'd be along in a minute, which River barely heard. She was already lost in the feel of this ship that had become her home. As usual, the light from above had heated the metal of the cat walks, making it feel warm to the touch. River never let her hand wander from some metal connection to the ship as she floated along down the winding hallway to the bridge. Something about Serenity's warmth gave her comfort, made her feel more whole. Although truthfully, now-a-days if Serenity was not satisfactory, Jayne would do the job quite well.

The girl genius made her foot steps a little more pronounced, so as not to scare Inara, as she ascended the steps to where the former companion sat. "Adjust by 6.7 degrees." River murmured lightly.

Inara raised an eyebrow, but did as she was told. The ship broke atmo and for a second the ship vibrated against the strain. They were through it in the blink on an eye though. It was the smoothest Inara had ever managed to get the ship through atmo. The older woman smiled softly.

"Thank you."

River smiled back. "It's all about the angle of penetration."

Inara smirked and laughed lightly. River paused, tilted her head, and then blushed furiously.

"I… are you aware that you've become positively filthy since you relinquished your companion's license?" The young assassin muttered tersely as she fell gracefully into the co-pilot's chair.

Inara shook her head, still laughing. "I can't help it sometimes. Being the model of decorum for so many years… it was wonderful at first, being so admired. But really, after a decade or so it becomes dreadfully boring. It's unreal being so free with my expressions."

River nodded. "Being able to say what you mean: a standard of human life often over looked."

"Precisely."

"Jayne says what he means." River said, with a tiny little girlish smile pulling the corner of her lips upwards.

"Yer down fer the count, girlie." Kaylee said, trotting into the cockpit with a smile. Inara nodded sagely while River frowned a bit.

"I don't quite follow."

"Down fer the count. Done fell hard." Kaylee said, grinning and leaning her back against the storage lockers.

River considered her friend's statement and found the evidence all falling into place to support her thesis. It was shocking, really. How her thoughts almost inevitably drifted to him. How she always wanted to know his opinion on what was being discussed. She even wrote little notes to herself sometimes to ask remind herself to ask him about it later. He held her so close… and she trusted him so much.

She couldn't help being clinical in her approach of most everything, but Jayne allowed some wiggle room. He let her be inaccurate, and he let her approximate rather than calculate. He let her breathe in and out and let that be all she needed to worry about.

"Analysis is correct. I like him very, very much."

"More than like." Kaylee prodded, winking in a saucy manner. Inara laughed at her two good friends; River blushing, Kaylee giggling.

"Truthfully," River said, glowing pink "I think that may actually be the case. It's entirely experimental of course, fully based on deductive reasoning that remains stubbornly un-graphable… but I think I may feel something that is more than just ample interest in Jayne. He makes me feel… something."

Inara had a far away look in her eye as she responded. "That is, in many ways, more of an accomplishment than he will ever know."

The three woman nodded to themselves. River bit her lip and looked between Inara and Kaylee. "I'm scared." She admitted in a tiny voice. "I have… I have no idea what I'm doing. I've just leapt into this thing without any thought as to the repercussions. I was… bratty. I saw something I wanted and I went after it. But it's…"

"It's different." Kaylee answered. "Cuz he aint like anything you've ever seen a'fore. Right?"

River nodded. "Correct." The girl genius curled her legs up to herself and rested her chin on her knees.

"Best not ta run away from it, then." The mechanic advised.

River laughed. "Something tells me that Jayne would not permit such action in any case."

Kaylee smiled but pressed on. "Oh I think he'd let ya go. Holler about it a whole lot, I think he'd do that too. But in the end, if'n he really thought you wanted out, I s'pect he'd let ya."

River shivered against a sudden chill. Her stomach felt like it'd been replaced with a nest of Peruvian pit vipers. She knew she never wanted such a thing to happen. She really couldn't even comprehend why Kaylee had said it. Inara seemed to understand entirely though.

"Because he loves her back."

Kaylee nodded. River looked between them as though she had perhaps missed a key reasoning point in the argument. "Rephrase, please?"

Kaylee giggled. "He'd let ya go on account of he doesn't think of you like yer a possession or somethin' like ya might expect from Jayne. Yer like… equals."

"Partners…" River responded.

"Yeah."

"I feel that… I really do love him." River whispered into the chilly air.

Down the hall and around the corridor Jayne drew in a quiet, shaky breathe and turned back the opposite way he had come. Well… that was something to be thinkin' on.


End file.
